I played the roll of a slut and I became one? How could he forgive me? How can I forgive myself? Thursday October 30, 1980 Dear Diary: I could not bring myself to write these last three days. My mind has been awash with feelings of dread and anger. I taught my lessons without energy or joy. My steps were so heavy Monday and Tuesday that several students asked why I looked so sad. I really should have taken the days off but I needed to do something to distract me from wallowing in my misery.. I was enjoying her ministrations too much to be distracted. She listened intently as I recalled various and earlier relationships before and after I married Ted. Ted......yes, he will very much enjoy hearing about this tonight, I thought. "Phyllis had never been with another woman before me, but she was ready. I used to kid around with her like you do with me. I would kiss and hug her a lot so she got used to it. One night she really got hot. I got into her panties and gave her a good fingering. ’ Brett exclaimed. Anne was startled by the reaction, it was if he was overjoyed by the revelation. ‘I’m not sure.’ She added. ‘What do you mean, it’s obvious that he is has violated the deal, let’s pick her up.’ Roger threw in. Anne was aghast, she couldn’t believe how heartless and cruel that would be to wrench Grace away from her father and they were ecstatic over the idea. Could they really be this unfeeling? ‘Hold on, that may not be the best course.’ She said forcefully. ‘Explain yourself. In college I never had a girlfriend even though there were plenty of girls I was interested in. I was shy and had never found it easy to talk to girls, and if any girl was ever interested in me, I was too stupid to pick up on it. Around my junior year, I started to dabble in gay porn and what really got me into it was my first time seeing men wearing stockings and pantyhose. It was so different but it really got me turned on. I had always had a fetish for nylon and had always loved seeing women.
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